Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
