When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
