you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
