i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
