All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
