so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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