Pregnant stripper...not hot.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
