Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I wear drunk well.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
