Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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