looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
