Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
