so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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