man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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