so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
