new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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