considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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