It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
