Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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