If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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