I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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