Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
