are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
