the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
