is your mom at the bar?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
