I feel great
I just peed on a car
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
