Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
