he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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