i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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