i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
