please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
