And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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