it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
