i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Screwed.edu
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
