I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
