Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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