Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
