piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
