I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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