And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
