just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
