this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
