My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
