if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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