How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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