i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
