New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
