The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
