I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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