Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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