did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
