so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
