First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
