You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
