Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
