I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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