The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
