okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
