If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
