the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
