I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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