You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
