dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
