everyone is single if you try hard enough
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
