I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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