I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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