u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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